Things that Bug the Crap Out of Me - Part 2

I've gotten some responses to the Bug Me Item file and the first one I'm going to address is Public Expectoration. I chose this one because it is straight-forward and, interestingly, high on the list of my own personal Pet Peeves. Good one, Nancy! This makes a great challenge for me!

First I want to be clear that no matter how I tweak it, rudeness is unacceptable. We cannot be inconsiderate of others with the expectation that others need to get over it. I consider public spitting rude. Unfortunately we live in a world with it; how can we do so with our respective heads in a better place? Let's look at what it does to us – why does it bug us and how? I wasn't told why it bugs our correspondent, so I'll have go with my own issues.

1. It is dirty. Nothing is dirtier than the human mouth - and what comes out of it.
2. The sound of someone coughing up phlegm makes me gag (I'm gagging right now just writing about it).
3. It is unnecessary. There is no reason to spit. If there is, use a handkerchief.
4. I might step in it; which can result in the reaction described in #2.
5. Per the objections stated above, it is inconsiderate.
6. There is an aura of machismo that seems to be associated with spitting, making it as much a statement as a biological urge or necessity.
   

This is tough. The first place I am tempted to go is to causality, why one would spit. I'm not sure why individuals spit so it's hard for me to go there for understanding and compassion. The fact that I have such a visceral reaction makes it that much more challenging as well.

1. Spitting can be culturally specific. Spitting anywhere in China has, until recently, been considered completely appropriate. (Between the arrival of foreigners for the Olympics and SARS, the government has been launching anti-spitting campaigns.) Is the spitter native to this country? How embarrassed he will be when he finds out it is not appropriate.
2. The gag reflex is my own reaction. Own it.
3. Men don't carry tissues. Men are spitters. Men have nothing into which they may spit.
   
4. I am reminded of the story of my then co-worker, Mary Margaret McMahon, who returned from her lunch break telling me about this poor woman she had seen who must have grown up without a mother because she was wearing white pants in October. Her concern and sympathy for the woman were genuine; she really had jumped to the decision that the woman had no mother, and thus her fashion gaff. Can we consider that the spitter has or had no adult to correct his ill behavior?
5. The macho 16 year old is, whether spitting or displaying some other ridiculous chest-beating behavior, flirting with adulthood and scared sh**less. Poor kid.
   

This case, in particular is about adjusting our overall attitude. Of course rude behavior bothers us, particularly when it has an impact that feels personal. It is a matter of how much you are willing to be worked up about it. The key is in adjusting your own relationship to the event. I really hate spitting, but am I going to let it put a serious damper on my day? So, I guess another discussion that needs to happen soon is Techniques for Shifting Your Relationship to Events.

Love to hear your responses to this one.