YOIKS! It's almost June and I haven't posted since March.
I've been a bit overwhelmed; I've taken on another job that starts at 6:00 am. Yes. 6:00 am. I'm thinking I'm going to cut back a bit on the number of hours I'm working; 20 hours along with everything else is TOO MUCH. Especially at 6:00 am.
So, I've been feeling a bit hip-deep while I integrate my new schedule. On top of this, I have a pattern that I've been following for years. Like most things though, it's hard to get perspective on it when you're in the middle of it.
What happens is that I start to get a little bored, a little frustrated. I begin to feel like I've reached a dead-end in my work, like maybe I've maxed out my potential, or maybe the potential of my work. I start to wonder if it's time for a career change.
To some extent, I am able to recognize that it's happening and that it's part of a pattern, but I also wonder if this time, it's for real, not just a transitional state. That's where I was this time, feeling like I'm spinning my wheels and wondering if I should just throw in the towel.
But then what happens is that something happens. I read something, I have an experience at the table or away from it. There's no way of knowing what will trigger the shift, but it happens, and it seems to be happening now.
I saw a quote from J. Robert Oppenheimer that says that matter is no more than a state of information. Oppenheimer was the theoretical physicist most commonly known for his involvement in the Manhattan Project. He was an important force in quantum mechanics, but was considered to never have lived entirely up to his potential in terms of developments and discoveries because he had such diverse interests. This endears him to me very much as I've been characterized similarly (not so much in the brilliant theoretical physicist way).
So what's been happening is that when I tune into a pattern, I allow myself to become completely present with it, and then recognize it as a thought form or idea, information becoming matter. Then I let it go. I don't do anything "to" it, I just recognize it for what it is, and, metaphorically, walk away.
The other thing I've been bringing to the table (literally) is a deeper awareness of my relationship with the client. (I wonder, how much further can this go?) What I have found myself doing is asking myself, "If the world came to an end right now, is this the space you would want to be in? Is this how you'd like to be with this person?"
These two pieces are going to come together somehow. I'm curious to see how.
