Well, I'm back from Duluth. Lovely venue, lovely people. About 35 people attended my talk (there were multiple talks going on at the time) which made the room about 4/5 full. I was determined to be prepared so I took my information and arranged, rearranged, outlined, deconstructed, and threw it all up in the air and saw how it hit the ground.
In the long run, I ended up doing what those who know me well knew I would do: I winged it. I wonder, can it really be considered "winging it" if you've put that much time into preparing? There were several things that were good about winging it:
1. It felt much more authentic (have I written much about authenticity?) and that is of key importance to me.
2. It gave people the sense that they had permission to ask questions during the talk.
3. The questions and flexibility of my "open outline" allowed an organic flow that followed the interests of the group.
4. I was less nervous and less likely to get flustered than if I was following a script.
The thing that really helped me was that the night before I was delightfully distracted at the Rendevous, a very "casual" local drinking establishment in Cloquet, MN, in attendance at a celebration for a friend of a friend. Met nice people who expressed interest in my work and asked me good questions, had a couple of extremely reasonably priced cocktails, ate hot dish, and generally get good and relaxed. Which I needed. Badly.
The next day, I was very gratified that after I was done speaking, many people came back to my booth to talk to me, sign my mailing list and ask me "When is your book coming out?". Hmmmm....
Showing posts with label Speaking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Speaking. Show all posts
Monday, May 5, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The Big AHA!
Today I was speaking with a friend of mine (call her Meg). A couple of weeks ago she was telling me about a problem she was having with her main support staff person. This support person would ask her about her personal life and then make subtle, judgmental disparaging comments.
Meg wanted to keep her support person happy since her own work lives and dies at this woman’s mercy, but she was becoming very upset at the increasingly hurtful situation. She was reaching the end of her rope, and asked me for advice.
After talking through a wide variety of options, I finally suggested that the next time it happened, she say something like, “I know you probably don’t realize this, but when you say things like that it hurts my feelings.” Meg listened to what I had to say and said she appreciated it, and that was the end of it.
A couple of weeks later she called to tell me that she had taken my advice and she was blown away by the results.
The upshot of what happened is that another hurtful exchange took place. Meg says my words came to her head and, in desperation, decided to take my advice. The employee grew very sad and told Meg that she had no idea she was being hurtful, she was very sorry and that she valued their relationship, and would be more considerate.
A couple of minutes later she came to Meg's office and said that when she behaved in this inappropriate way, that it was really about her own pain which she went on to share briefly, candidly, and appropriately. She also said this was not something been able to talk about much before and appreciated the opportunity.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Healing Presence in action. I've been looking for a centerpiece for my talk, and I think it just got handed to me. Again, it's about vulnerability and, too some extent, surrender. When we make ourselves vulnerable we give other people permission to be vulnerable, a state necessary for healing.
When Meg shared that story with me, I told her that it made me feel that softness in my heart that allows me to experience compassion for this person I didn't even know. Meg responded that Yes! she felt softening in her heart in relationship to this person as well! That's exactly what it felt like!
You see, we were able to see the assistant's pain and understand what a wounded person she is. But it's about witnessing the pain; there was no attempt to resolve this woman's problem, nor was it necessary to share in or experience it. That's compassion. That's Healing Presence.
Meg wanted to keep her support person happy since her own work lives and dies at this woman’s mercy, but she was becoming very upset at the increasingly hurtful situation. She was reaching the end of her rope, and asked me for advice.
After talking through a wide variety of options, I finally suggested that the next time it happened, she say something like, “I know you probably don’t realize this, but when you say things like that it hurts my feelings.” Meg listened to what I had to say and said she appreciated it, and that was the end of it.
A couple of weeks later she called to tell me that she had taken my advice and she was blown away by the results.
The upshot of what happened is that another hurtful exchange took place. Meg says my words came to her head and, in desperation, decided to take my advice. The employee grew very sad and told Meg that she had no idea she was being hurtful, she was very sorry and that she valued their relationship, and would be more considerate.
A couple of minutes later she came to Meg's office and said that when she behaved in this inappropriate way, that it was really about her own pain which she went on to share briefly, candidly, and appropriately. She also said this was not something been able to talk about much before and appreciated the opportunity.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Healing Presence in action. I've been looking for a centerpiece for my talk, and I think it just got handed to me. Again, it's about vulnerability and, too some extent, surrender. When we make ourselves vulnerable we give other people permission to be vulnerable, a state necessary for healing.
When Meg shared that story with me, I told her that it made me feel that softness in my heart that allows me to experience compassion for this person I didn't even know. Meg responded that Yes! she felt softening in her heart in relationship to this person as well! That's exactly what it felt like!
You see, we were able to see the assistant's pain and understand what a wounded person she is. But it's about witnessing the pain; there was no attempt to resolve this woman's problem, nor was it necessary to share in or experience it. That's compassion. That's Healing Presence.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Fasten Your Seatbelts...
I stated that the goal of this blog is to aid me on my path to embodying the healing presence. Since I am going to have to talk about Cultivating the Healing Presence for an hour in Duluth at the Northwoods Wellness Expo, I thought I'd make use of this forum to support me.
I believe that the challenge that confronts me is making it just one hour. I think I could talk for four hours - or four days, but one hour is a big challenge. How do I hit the highlights; be informative. I don't want the material to seem crammed, irrelevant, incomplete. I know it's considered bad form to dwell on that which you want to avoid, but often it's the only way to define what you would like to achieve. So what do I want? What are the opposites of these descriptives: Useful. Self-contained. Flowing. Complete.
What do I want for my audience? To feel gratified, educated, replete. To see me as a font of wisdom, a master teacher, approachable and entertaining.
No problem.
I have a reputation for being able to pull stuff out at the last minute. To quote my sibling: "For the number of things you can pull out of your ass, it should be a lot bigger." Granted, being able to do this has a lot to do with the fact that I've been cooking on stuff for a while, but I don't want to do it that way this time. So, lots to do. But I feel like I've made progress in defining what I want this thing to look like. Stay tuned.
Your comments and suggestions are always helpful and appreciated.
I believe that the challenge that confronts me is making it just one hour. I think I could talk for four hours - or four days, but one hour is a big challenge. How do I hit the highlights; be informative. I don't want the material to seem crammed, irrelevant, incomplete. I know it's considered bad form to dwell on that which you want to avoid, but often it's the only way to define what you would like to achieve. So what do I want? What are the opposites of these descriptives: Useful. Self-contained. Flowing. Complete.
What do I want for my audience? To feel gratified, educated, replete. To see me as a font of wisdom, a master teacher, approachable and entertaining.
No problem.
I have a reputation for being able to pull stuff out at the last minute. To quote my sibling: "For the number of things you can pull out of your ass, it should be a lot bigger." Granted, being able to do this has a lot to do with the fact that I've been cooking on stuff for a while, but I don't want to do it that way this time. So, lots to do. But I feel like I've made progress in defining what I want this thing to look like. Stay tuned.
Your comments and suggestions are always helpful and appreciated.
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