The Black Hole of the Mind

The brain is an odd thing. It can take visual information in, recognize it as a certain type of data, interpret it, and then stop.

I went to the Northwestern Health Sciences University website's Continuing Ed page to check out my class listing, and found it on the calendar page. After I noted that it was listed and that the dates were correct, I moved on. A couple of days later, late in the evening, something clicked in my head. Did I really see what I thought I saw? I went back to the website and there it was, the tuition for my class listed at twice the actual rate. It had taken that long for the information to register.

I've done it, we've all done it; read several paragraphs of a book and had no idea what I've read. Drive somewhere and have no recollection of how you got there.

Being present is a many layered phenomenon. There's being physically in the room. There's directing your sensory organs toward the environment. There's turning them on. There is even the act of performing the motions of engaging with the environment. All these things can happen and still, we are not there. We are not present.

Presence is like.....a distillation. A star, collapsing down to a point of infinite density. It is the moment where an alchemical melding takes place, and all things come together to make gold.

Quantum Mechanics: The Dreams Stuff is Made Of

YOIKS! It's almost June and I haven't posted since March.

I've been a bit overwhelmed; I've taken on another job that starts at 6:00 am. Yes. 6:00 am. I'm thinking I'm going to cut back a bit on the number of hours I'm working; 20 hours along with everything else is TOO MUCH. Especially at 6:00 am.

So, I've been feeling a bit hip-deep while I integrate my new schedule. On top of this, I have a pattern that I've been following for years. Like most things though, it's hard to get perspective on it when you're in the middle of it.

What happens is that I start to get a little bored, a little frustrated. I begin to feel like I've reached a dead-end in my work, like maybe I've maxed out my potential, or maybe the potential of my work. I start to wonder if it's time for a career change.

To some extent, I am able to recognize that it's happening and that it's part of a pattern, but I also wonder if this time, it's for real, not just a transitional state. That's where I was this time, feeling like I'm spinning my wheels and wondering if I should just throw in the towel.

But then what happens is that something happens. I read something, I have an experience at the table or away from it. There's no way of knowing what will trigger the shift, but it happens, and it seems to be happening now.

I saw a quote from J. Robert Oppenheimer that says that matter is no more than a state of information. Oppenheimer was the theoretical physicist most commonly known for his involvement in the Manhattan Project. He was an important force in quantum mechanics, but was considered to never have lived entirely up to his potential in terms of developments and discoveries because he had such diverse interests. This endears him to me very much as I've been characterized similarly (not so much in the brilliant theoretical physicist way).

So what's been happening is that when I tune into a pattern, I allow myself to become completely present with it, and then recognize it as a thought form or idea, information becoming matter. Then I let it go. I don't do anything "to" it, I just recognize it for what it is, and, metaphorically, walk away.

The other thing I've been bringing to the table (literally) is a deeper awareness of my relationship with the client. (I wonder, how much further can this go?) What I have found myself doing is asking myself, "If the world came to an end right now, is this the space you would want to be in? Is this how you'd like to be with this person?"

These two pieces are going to come together somehow. I'm curious to see how.

Practicing What I Preach

I have now been in my new office for one week and a busy one at that. The interesting thing is that I've had so many clients this week and all of them are having fabulous, mind-blowing, pattern-changing sessions. Is it the feng shui? The green walls? Or is it me?

I know that I've been different in the new office. I'm not sure if it's the new-ness of the space, but I am finding myself being extra mindful and extra present. There are more and different ambient sounds at this new space and I know that I've been working harder to be completely present. My intention being that by creating this complete sense of being present that all potential distractions fail to become part of our experience. This appears to be a very fine example Healing Presence in practice. It's not that I wasn't using it before, every day with every client. I just don't know if I was doing so with the kind of consistency I am now.

I've also been exploring an understanding of the sacredness of our relationship - my client and I. Not in some sort of esoteric, "I feel the presence of the divine" kind of way, but in a really - dare I say it - PRACTICAL way. I know that is the right word, but I'm not exactly sure how that is. It's not that I don't have transcendent experiences in the work because I do. It's more a recognition that the sacred need not be transcendent to be real.

Then again, maybe it's just the new wall color.

The Big AHA!

Today I was speaking with a friend of mine (call her Meg). A couple of weeks ago she was telling me about a problem she was having with her main support staff person. This support person would ask her about her personal life and then make subtle, judgmental disparaging comments.

Meg wanted to keep her support person happy since her own work lives and dies at this woman’s mercy, but she was becoming very upset at the increasingly hurtful situation. She was reaching the end of her rope, and asked me for advice.

After talking through a wide variety of options, I finally suggested that the next time it happened, she say something like, “I know you probably don’t realize this, but when you say things like that it hurts my feelings.” Meg listened to what I had to say and said she appreciated it, and that was the end of it.

A couple of weeks later she called to tell me that she had taken my advice and she was blown away by the results.

The upshot of what happened is that another hurtful exchange took place. Meg says my words came to her head and, in desperation, decided to take my advice. The employee grew very sad and told Meg that she had no idea she was being hurtful, she was very sorry and that she valued their relationship, and would be more considerate.

A couple of minutes later she came to Meg's office and said that when she behaved in this inappropriate way, that it was really about her own pain which she went on to share briefly, candidly, and appropriately. She also said this was not something been able to talk about much before and appreciated the opportunity.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Healing Presence in action. I've been looking for a centerpiece for my talk, and I think it just got handed to me. Again, it's about vulnerability and, too some extent, surrender. When we make ourselves vulnerable we give other people permission to be vulnerable, a state necessary for healing.

When Meg shared that story with me, I told her that it made me feel that softness in my heart that allows me to experience compassion for this person I didn't even know. Meg responded that Yes! she felt softening in her heart in relationship to this person as well! That's exactly what it felt like!

You see, we were able to see the assistant's pain and understand what a wounded person she is. But it's about witnessing the pain; there was no attempt to resolve this woman's problem, nor was it necessary to share in or experience it. That's compassion. That's Healing Presence.

Fasten Your Seatbelts...

I stated that the goal of this blog is to aid me on my path to embodying the healing presence. Since I am going to have to talk about Cultivating the Healing Presence for an hour in Duluth at the Northwoods Wellness Expo, I thought I'd make use of this forum to support me.

I believe that the challenge that confronts me is making it just one hour. I think I could talk for four hours - or four days, but one hour is a big challenge. How do I hit the highlights; be informative. I don't want the material to seem crammed, irrelevant, incomplete. I know it's considered bad form to dwell on that which you want to avoid, but often it's the only way to define what you would like to achieve. So what do I want? What are the opposites of these descriptives: Useful. Self-contained. Flowing. Complete.

What do I want for my audience? To feel gratified, educated, replete. To see me as a font of wisdom, a master teacher, approachable and entertaining.

No problem.

I have a reputation for being able to pull stuff out at the last minute. To quote my sibling: "For the number of things you can pull out of your ass, it should be a lot bigger." Granted, being able to do this has a lot to do with the fact that I've been cooking on stuff for a while, but I don't want to do it that way this time. So, lots to do. But I feel like I've made progress in defining what I want this thing to look like. Stay tuned.

Your comments and suggestions are always helpful and appreciated.

Sweet Surrender

I was being interviewed the other day by a woman who is in a health coaching program. I swear I am going to hire her to come in and ask me questions every two or three weeks. She's so smart and so inquisitive and asks such good questions. I get so clear and have so many great insights when I talked to her.

We were talking about the use of Ortho-Bionomy® with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. She mentioned the connection between stress and IBS and we began to riff on that. Ortho-Bionomy is very relaxing on a surface level, but I mentioned that the stresses that contribute to IBS tend to be deep-seated issues and that really, the great benefit of this work is that it reaches deep through the surface stresses and down into the deep seated ones that lie beneath many of our pains.

Somehow through this, we got to a place where she said that, in some ways, she envied people of fundamentalist faith because they had access to this ability to have these profound healing experiences and then briefly related a story she'd read about a woman who was able to be rid of her chronic fatigue through Jesus.

The word or concept (I don't remember which) that stood out for me was "surrender". This woman gave herself up to Jesus, but what she really did was let go of any illusion of control or investment in being able to fix her situation. She was willing to let go of her ego, her attachment to her need to fix, and her intention for what and how the outcome of her healing should take place.

This ability to surrender the ego is something I believe to be a core piece of Cultivating the Healing Presence; there is no differentiation between creating that space for yourself or others.

Do you think Jesus took her pain or was it something else? Is it easier to surrender if you have something to symbolically surrender to?

As a sidebar, my tai chi instructor told me that if you strike someone between the eyes (without much force), it causes their body to temporarily freeze up and become disoriented. His teacher called it the "Preacher 's Knockout" - just watch some faith healers to see why (oh, there's one just below the xyphoid process too; you'll see him use this too):

What ARE You Talking About?

I've built an entire blog around this thing I call the Healing Presence, but what is it?

The foundation of Healing Presence is that the compassionate presence is a positive act of healing.

And that means what, exactly?

In my work, I have experienced the power that comes when I am entirely present with another. This total presence means that I hold no expectation, intent or attachment to the outcome of our interaction.

This accommodates the development of a place of compassion and equanimity for the other, creating a nurturing space for that person to process and heal at the rate and manner that fits their preference and need.

The amazing and beautiful thing about the Healing Presence is that it creates an experience where both parties are fed by the interaction. I am so energized by my work. I am often asked if I need to "cleanse my energy" or if I feel drained by my work, but if I'm doing it right there should be no reason for a sense of burn-out and toxicity.

It doesn't mean that I'm never tired at the end of a long day, but I'm not perfect, and it takes some effort to remain that present and attentive, not to mention the fact that each session is unique and I am constantly drawing on all my resources to provide the best possible set of techniques and abilities to respond appropriately to the individual.

To me, the most important aspect of Healing Presence I can share with others directly confronts the furtive, surreptitious dangers of the ego and of investment in the end result of our interactions with others. This is the place where Healing Presence can be eroded most inconspicuously and most dangerously.

I am blown away by how profound, powerful, important and subversive this information is. I firmly believe that it is incredibly necessary.

What about this concept appeals to you? What venues or circumstances do you think this information would be useful in?